Keeping the Circle Small

keeping the circle small
I paced the floor out of breath, the phone to my ear and the poisonous words spilling forth. That deceived tongue was twisted. Even in the moments when the words lay still my ear was pressed tightly to the receiver. Receiving words of judgment masked with Christian care and concern. {A Forked Tongue}
That “inner sanctum” of women gathering together in hidden rooms. One minute a prayer haven, the next minute a dream gathering. {Divination}
Over coffee and tea, at this house or that retreat room we sought to define the safety of our fellowship, while outside that door others were left behind. They were too risky. A gathering that seeks to alienate and punish has no right to gather.
a gathering that seeks to alienate and punish jkmcguire
And I was left wondering when all the things surrounding me came tumbling down did those same “dream weavers” gather together to spin a tale of discernment?
In the name of “keeping the circle small” did those unbiased souls meet with coffee in hand, pouring the cream, taking their lumps?
Did they gather to hash out my fate? What words filled the room as the spirit of deception and chaos hovered over their chairs? Could the fly on the wall hear the whispered tales of jealousy, unforgiveness and hate? How far did they spin? Could they see the web as the spiders of division and bitterness and judgment had their way? Did those women laugh together? Or did they grab the box of Kleenex to dry their tears?
That same box of tissue that weeks before had dried my own weeping as one of them.
Now I was…
  • Rejecting spiritual authority
  • Isolating.
  • Hiding.
  • Fake.
  • She’s been taken out.
  • Spiritual Attacker.
  • Not willing to bring her heart openly and honestly… to us.
“To protect just One,” perhaps they would say to themselves.
When the truth is they chose to throw this one under the bus – or into the pit; remove her coat, {her covering} smear the blood and we’ll tell father, “a wild beast claimed her.” Or better yet a more humane choice: we’ll sell her, take away her rights, close her mouth {gag order}, give her into the hands of gypsies because that little smart-mouthed Dreamer….dreams things we could not stomach. Confronts truths we had hoped no one would see. Stirs jealousy within ourselves we would rather not face.
small circles plastic witness

Keeping the Circle Small – Protecting the Plastic Witness

But truth cannot be hidden; no matter how far we bury it or who we sell it to. You can not bribe and murder and gossip your way into a new life story. You can’t wash away your own sin. You can’t mask shame forever. You can not redeem your own story – while hiding from truth. Framing a life the way you think it should be framed around a very narrow view. The house of cards…is still just made of paper.
“If you work the words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who dug deep and laid the foundation of his house on bedrock. When the river burst its banks and crashed against the house, nothing could shake it; it was built to last. But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don’t work them into your life, you are like a dumb carpenter who built a house but skipped the foundation. When the swollen river came crashing in, it collapsed like a house of cards. It was a total loss.” (Luke 6:48 The Message)

Maybe not so quietly,

J.

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