A storm front rolled through the city this morning and I am … you guessed it, writing.
I have found it almost impossible to write lately. Because of the brain fog and the muscle cramps and the swollen hands and feet and the overwhelming fatigue that goes on for days and this horrid, burning pain in my ribs that does not stop…. it seriously never stops.
These are a few of the symptoms of this god-awful new friend I have made called Hashimoto’s Disease.
I have known some very life-sucking people during my time on this Earth, but this friend – silent, unassuming, taking over my body as if it was her own – my newish autoimmune disease buddy, is the worst friend I have ever had.
And I am stuck with her.
There is no magical cure to rid my life of her.
I can not burn this bridge or slam the door in her face.
She makes my residual PE pain even more obvious – she reminds me every time I breathe that she isn’t going anywhere.
They are the worst BFFs ever.
And she is trying to keep me from doing all the things I love the most.
She is trying to keep me from living my life.
And right now, I hate her.
You are supposed to write in the rain.
You are supposed to make love in the rain.
You are supposed to take off your shoes and dance in the puddles with your children in the rain.
But Hashi – she doesn’t like it one bit – when she doesn’t get all the attention.
When my life isn’t on her terms she despises me, she makes me endure the consequences, she mocks my attempts to live beyond her.
Wait… maybe I have known people like her in my life before.
You know what happened when I stopped cooperating? I got my life back on my terms.
I learned how to dance everywhere no matter who is watching… anyways.
I guess that means I am going to learn how to write – no matter who is watching – or how much pain I have to push through – anyways.